In conversation with the devil

Devil: Hello, I am Devil …

Me: huh

Devil: Actually was passing by to take Mr. Rastogi… your neighbor… he’s completed his quota…

Me: quota???

Devil: life-span

Me: huh

Devil: but he’s still not done with hugging and kissing his two lovely daughters… misri and tiki… he’s asking for more time… they are very cute… 8 & 10 yrs old … you might be knowing both of them…

Me: huh ya ya…

Devil: I have a time table that I have to stick to… if I delay it shows up in my timesheet… and then the management penalizes me… they tell me to bring 5 extra guys… repeated bad performances… and I would get transferred to … Afghanistan, Palestine, Pakistan… where mass killing happens… suicide bombers… gang wars… it’s a pain delivering them in bulk… and each of them wants to talk to their near and dear ones for one last time… they were like years together… and they never talked… and now they want to do it…

Me: So did u give him extra time??? Did you??

Devil: Ya … I had to … I couldn’t see his little daughters cry… and then actually… there are some formalities to be done before I take him... there are two forms black and white… black is for the hell and white is for the heaven… filling up these forms take 10-15 mins… Mr. Rastogi has been a good guy throughout his life… he gets the white one… But I have run out of white forms… actually I don’t carry many of them… most of the guys get the black… there aren’t too many good guys around…

Me: Oh.. ok…. Please sit.. come in…

Devil: No… I am fine … actually u have little less than six hours… once I deliver Mr. Rastogi, next its your turn… can you please fill-up this black form…

Me: BLACK FORM…

Me: And LITTLE less then Six hours… I… I… you… we… check your timesheet … it has to be in the next century… we are in 2007… I don’t want to go… pls don’t take me… i love this place… I want more… I love everyone on this earth… I promise to be happy… help everyone… and be good…

Devil: Sorry… your timesheet says you hate this earth… in fact you have many times screamed at 127 decibels that you don’t want to live … and some of the reasons you have cited are… nobody loves you… you don’t have a steady - steady girl friend… you don’t have enough money… you don’t like your job… and you hate to wait for good things that scarcely happen to u…

Me: I take everything back… please please give me one last chance…

Devil: I will be back in 5 hours 47 mins… you can tell thanks to everyone u want to… no extra time… the most I can do is to lend you my cell phone for next 6 hours… it will allow you to connect with anybody you want to…

After Six hours…

Devil: Hi Dude… ready… lets rock… so how many people did u call…

Me: I couldn’t call anybody… I didn’t have the guts… my parents love me so much… I couldn’t tell them… that this was the last time I was talking with them… and my friends… if I told them they would like… come and kill you… I only called up my insurance agent to check how much… how much money my parents woo-would get… its not much… I wo-woo-would have earned more… fif..if.. I lived… one… chance… last one…

Devil: so I guess you are done…

Me: haan..

Devil: close your eyes… count 5 and open your eyes slowly… it wont be painful... got it…

Me: yaess

Devil: ok start…

Me: where am I… I am still on earth… I am alive… I can breathe… I can blink… I can I can..

Devil: yes my friend… you don’t go anywhere… you live for at least… 63 yrs more… I just wanted you to appreciate life … so that when I come to take you after 63 yrs … you don’t ask for more time… your friends want to join you … you have given all the possible love and respect to you parents, wife and children… neither you call your insurance agent as you have made lots of money… the only one thing you can crib about is the elusive girlfriends… J … and I want you to take the WHITE form…

Devil : and Mr. Rastogi also lives and he now appreciates life as much as you do … don’t worry… Bye take care… see ya…

Me: I want to call…. Where is my cell …

Mr. Conductor has changed

Over this weekend I happened to travel by our very own state transport bus. And let me be upfront that it was not out of choice. As I entered the Bus station I could see the same settings that have been present at least ever since I was born. I could even identify couple of beggars or possibly they haven't changed their designer. Same spit marks, the undergarment billboards signs and our lovely charming bus station staff - they were all there. I was waiting in the queue for my number to come to buy my ticket. While holding the support bars I was slowly but steadily being pushed to the ticket window. While getting pushed I was wondering how physically close we Indians can get. But it still bewilders me to understand the logic behind pushing, as it does little in improving the efficiency of the guy giving the tickets. The uncle behind me in queue looked educated and did very well to understand my glare and stopped pushing for a while. The only thing he assorted to, was a short-lived but effective spank on my butt with the help of his bag.

Ok so when I finally was THERE… Mr. Ticket window guy pointing towards the bus told me to buy the tickets inside the bus… the guy was in grave pain while giving this piece of information, as if I had cut his leg and was asking for the other one to complete my new found hobbies of leg collection. I rushed towards the bus as one never knows when they might take off… to add to my displeasure the bus was empty but had a lone passenger… our eyes locked he said "10 more mins"… he sounded pretty confident… I wonder if he was the head for routes and timing division at the Bus state transport… I knew what I was doing for the next 10 mins… I rushed to my favorite place on the bus-stand …people call it the book stall… My eyes didn't work hard to find MY SECTION… the sleazy sexy vernacular book section… I grabbed couple of the books… so that I could very fast read the preview to the book without buying any of those … and feel happy about the vernacular language's capability to aptly define the THING… was going overboard but managed to get into the bus by now which was considerably occupied.

Taking the window seat… I wrestled with the window to open… Mr. Stranger behind me offered help and was quick to open it… he kind of had developed that expertise… sheepishly I said thanks… The bus took off… and I tried hard to sleep… resting my hands on the handrest, leaning on the window… but gave up soon… I could smell something and this very familiar smell was coming from my hands… and I am sure everyone who has traveled in public transport vehicle gets that smell… the fragrance is of sweat and dust mixed with fillings of iron bars (it has a salty taste if u happen to lick it)… And then arrived Mr. Conductor to give me the shock of my life in the bus … he was carrying a gizmo… electronic ticket generator … I wanted to kiss Mr. Conductor… the state transport had changed… they no longer give piles of tickets … which with my kind of mathematical capabilities would take 10 mins to add… And if I were the conductor I would increase it to 20mins so that I can strike the right balance between center of gravity and mathematics… the electronic ticket generator has opened new set of possibilities… In my heydays I had the fear of being a conductor as I was never a good at academics ... but now I don't think it's a bad profession :)

things are not as bad … it's only the incremental change that we don't appreciate…

Disclaimer

1. The elections are nearing… none of the political parties have sponsored the posting

2. And I am sorry for writing about a public place and not describing the loo