Living in recent past...

Ok, so it’s been ages since I have blogged but the times have been different, can’t really say difficult but beyond comprehension… so let me sum up the last few months… here’s a list of top things that happened to me/were forced upon me …

1. Money – Stared continuously at my bed room wall for numerous hours… trying to figure out that one innovative idea that is doable.. and will earn me my millions… The Fallout - Still haven’t found the idea that falls in the suitable category.. but one thing that I know for sure, my bedroom wall looks more dull than when I moved in…
2. Ran my car over a puppy - I killed it. I feel bad – and feel even worse since I haven’t done much about it… no community service.. no act of salvation.. . It keeps reminding me of my prior employer… he kept talking about how strongly he felt about giving back to the community… the more I think, I feel I am designed to ‘take away’ from the community…
3. While Israel is busy bombing Gaza Strip my internal fight with waiting for destiny versus making my destiny has widened… I was a firm believer of destiny – kismat se zyada aur waqt ke pehle kisko kuch nahi milta.. that was one of my favorite quotes.. but now I think there are 2 sets of believers one who believe in destiny, karma and all that crap… those would be the guys living in Gaza and would be getting bombed right now.. and then there are those who believe in themselves like Israelis and bomb other guys,, and I think both are right in their belief systems
4. Emotions – understanding – ego – practical – if these words are way of life for you.. I am sure you are in deep shit.. I was there.. but it’s fun… new perspective
5. Shock – yes there have been shocking things… think about this… 10 gunman hold an entire country hostage …enter Taj and other places… and the only thing they do is kill. Incidentally I was checking advertisement rates on the prime channels and I can tell you that to get the coverage the event got would have left even the richest of companies bankrupt…
6. Some people whom I shouldn’t be thinking about took a lot of my mindshare… Mr. Obama for his color, creed, religion… Mr. Aamir for some kind of artistic perfection… and suddenly getting up to know the effectiveness of PR machinery… Mr. Raj’s – MNS campaign… and last but not the least Mr. Raju telling the world we can also do it…
7. Fear… jobs… the economy is in bad shape.. that’s what I hear from everyone.. I don’t know if people know what economy is … but I learned a lot about pink slips… office politics… layoffs…

Having said that I am hopeful .. that today when I go to sleep and look at my bedroom wall I will have my multi-millionaire idea… I promise to drive more cautiously… if I cant give to the society at least not harm it… I hope people become more lovable and their destiny lead them to contentment & happiness…people do meaningful activities..and fear no one.

Top Ogling Strategies – Be free as a bird

Disclaimer: these strategies have earlier been performed by trained professionals, don’t try it out in areas where too many people are around… or in an ecosystem where u have little or no control…

• Virtual ogling… mannequin is ur best bet to start from… roam around lingerie showrooms… for real fun try getting salepersons’ job there..
• buy cheap glares and put on those, go to the parking lot of mall, shopping center or near park… Enzoyy
• if ur office environment has good looking chics … let everyone knw that u have a einstine’s thinking syndrome… your positioning àthe syndrome fixates my eyes on a particular object and ther isn’t anything that I see for the next 10 mins… BLACK OUT… don’t disturb me or things around me( build lot of credibility amongst ur peers before u start practicing)
• In quest of gold: make-up a face that is looking for something very important, that was left behind … for eg u are looking for the keys that u left of the table where a group of female are present.. They might even offer an helping hand..
• Colorimeters: go to a library.., ensure u have a pen that keeps falling down at regular intervals…find out the colors…
• goto the top most floor of a mall… and dart ur eyes towards people walking up the elevators.. as if u are expecting a friend any time…
• Running as fast as u can… enter into a women wash room … ur eyes need to be quick… as u enter the wash room… hit ur self… and speak out loud OMG… if u are lucky u hear OMG from the other side as well…don’t repeat the act in the same area twice..
• for this u need a two wheeler.. get besides a car that is driven by someone really sensuous.. stop besides her on every signal light.. watch watch and watch

How to irritate people...

A brief but practical guide to leave people irritated and fuming with frustration!

P.S. - This totally works so keep a weapon for self-protection handy before trying it out!

For Starters:

• Run one lap around the office at top speed
• Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
• Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
• To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
• Walk sideways to the photocopier.
• While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

For those into groove already:

• Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
• Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
• Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
• Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
• Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

For “REAL” Pro’s :

• At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
• Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
• For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
• After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
• While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
• In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
• At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness,I'll never go hungry again."
• In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
• Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
• Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
• Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
• Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
• Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
• Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
• Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
• During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
• Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere...

• At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
• Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
• Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."
• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
• Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
• Don't use any punctuation
• As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
• Ask people what gender they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
• Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
• Put mosquito netting around your work area.
• Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
• Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
• Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
• When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"
• When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
  

Danger - Do not, I repeat, DO NOT use with people who are heavier, stronger, or more powerful than you!

taken from http://dotcoy.blogspot.com